ministering in truth

Today is a good day to write about my Papi.

15 and I'm living in some dark sin.
Adding unimaginable things to the list of ways I was trying to fill the huge void in my life.
Nothing ever worked, so I went to the next worse thing. Trying to hide and cover pain that is spilling out of my heart.

I don't believe that the people in my life couldn't see it, most of them just didn't care, or were too caught up in themselves to stop and shake me.
Because "that's love, right?"
Accepting a 15 year old that is giving herself away, getting completely intoxicated and putting herself in awful situations.
You just "love" her through it, right?
No. That's not love, and no one will be able to tell me that it is.

The only adults who did anything were my mom and this man.
Through all the hate and anger I had toward him because he was tearing through my strongholds, he never stopped.
Because he loves me.
He loves my mom.
And he REALLY loves the Lord.
The unrelenting Father that was pursuing me with one of His most obedient servants.
He couldn't sit back and watch me sprint toward rock bottom like it's the only thing I had left to do.

There were nights where he would sit up with me until 4 AM in the morning, listening to my heart, praying over me, talking to me about things I had never talked to anyone about and telling me about the awesome God who desires my heart like no other.
One of the only adults to tell me I was worth so much more than what I was giving my life to.
One of the only adults that didn't want me to think the life that I had lived for 15 years was normal and ok.
One of the only adults that advocated for my innocence as a child and would have done whatever it took to give me a childhood that didn't involve the hate and anger that it did.
And still would, if that man hadn't obeyed God when it was extremely hard, when his daughter balled her fists up and screamed at him because he wanted better for her.

This man didn't accept who I was, because I wasn't the person I could be.
He still challenges me and asks for more of me because he wants me to continue to strive for our Heavenly Father.
Letting me settle in complacency WOULD NOT BE LOVING ME.
That wouldn't be grace.

That's not how God works.
Just because I say I accept Jesus as my Savior doesn't mean I continue to live and openly walk in sin.
Papi walked with me, and some times drug me,  so I could see the Beauty of Christ and His Grace.
And since then I will do ANYTHING I have to do to please my Savior.
Because once you truly see His Beauty and His Glory, you will turn around and run whole heartedly to the God who put His life down to save you.
Yes I fail, but that is sanctification.
When you fall you have to get back up and turn away from that sin.
Don't you see that the reason He wants you to turn from your evil ways is because it hurts you?

A father disciplines their child when they need to teach them to not do things that hurt them.

And that's what Papi did for me, and what he continues to do for countless other people.
I could care less if you disagree with how he does things, because he's not doing anything to please you but walking out his marching orders every day.
And I'm a product of that obedience.
So if you care anything about me, and the fact that I'm no longer RUNNING straight to hell, then give this man the respect he deserves.

This all sounds harsh, but I want my stand to be made clear.
And every time I see him getting pushed down on the ground and spit on for what he is doing for our God hurts me.
Not many people in my life listen to me on this subject, they might as well put their fingers in their ears and yell.
So maybe if they read it they won't have time to interrupt me.

Thank you Papi, for who you are in our God.
For being the one that told me I'm worth so much more.
For really loving me.
And never settling for anything but me pursuing our Savior with every ounce of energy in me.